Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Citoyens Sans-Culottes




Last night No Good Boyo decided to repair his culottes.


It says much about him that he owns a pair of culottes, and even more about my underrated liberalism that I tolerate this deviation.


I insist that he wear them only indoors, on the grounds that he is neither Pablo Picasso nor a Greek fisherman.


As most men grown older they sprout hair from ear and eyeball. Welshmen seem to develop bulbous knees. This leads to unsustainable contradictions with the individual culotte and inevitable rupture.


So, following days of unheeded pointing and whining at his threadbare garment, No Good Boyo decided to repair the rent.


After studying a sewing kit for a good few minutes he vanished in search of scissors, which I had concealed after his attempt to open a jar of gherkins with them.


Some time later he returned with a pair of nail clippers, and produced to cut off the bottom section of the culotte half-inch by half-inch.


He then proposed the resulting uneven flap of linen, with cider and gravy stains intact, as a summer halter-top for our daughter Arianrhod.


Mr Julien Macdonald may need to revamp his Spring Collection in order to retain the title of leading Welsh couturier.

11 comments:

Gadjo Dilo said...

he is neither Pablo Picasso nor a Greek fisherman... You forgot to mention Gunner "Lofty" Sugden out of It Ain't Half Hot Mum. And I don't blame you.

Gorilla Bananas said...

But weren't the "Sans Culottes" the ones who were dangerous ruffians? Perhaps things work differently in Wales.

M C Ward said...

The No Good Boyo range has a certain ring to it - is it the new Joe Bloggs? He managed to con everyone.

Gadjo Dilo said...

You're right, the No Good Boyo range does have a certain ring to it!

Btw, in case you're confused: Lofty Sugden in his culottes, plus guest appearance by The World’s Greatest Welsh http://www.youtube.com/v/SXP05QenlUw&hl=en

No Good Boyo said...

I showed Mrs Boyo that clip as part of my "Learn Youself Welsh innit" course. My guess is she'll remain unimpressed.

Mrs Boyo said...

Mr Bananas, I fear that Wales and Revolutionary France differ little expect, that Revolutionary France was a brief phase that gave the world the Rights of Man then made way for a period of great expansion and cultural excellence.

MC and Gadjo, No Good Boyo has taken your suggestion to heart and is demanding the return of his various rags from Oxfam. Thank you.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Mr Boyo: are you meekly going to let your wife insult Wales like that?

Gadjo Dilo said...

I think you two should take this fashion thing seriously: if they can sell pre-ripped jeans to Ramones wannabees in Japan for $100 a pair, then there's surely a market for pre-cider-stained culottes.

Gyppo Byard said...

Ah Mr Bananas, you clearly haven't met Mrs Boyo face-to-face. One meekly lets her insult anything she feels like, if one knows what is good for one...

Mrs Boyo said...

You're too kind, Byard, although it's fairer to say that I do not insult but merely elucidate.

I wouldn't worry about No Good Boyo's feelings, Mr Bananas. He and Wales revel in their status of being small, backward and devoid of perogatives.

Gadjo - No Good Boyo now has visions of machines on the Tokyo metro dispensing his distressed garments to eager young Japanese ladies. Twins, specifically.

Gadjo Dilo said...

You'd be forgiven for thinking, Mrs B., that often you could write simply "No Good Boyo now has visions", and leave us to then guess the rest based upon what had just been written and upon our knowledge of his exquisite imagination. However, this latest idea of his may go beyond even the imaginings of the International Blogging Community. Thanks!